Sorry Not Sorry
by IronicSnap
Summary: Tai Lung was already struggling with the afterlife - it was interminably boring, and for some reason he couldn't find any other kung fu masters to fight. Little did he realize that the Spirit Realm was empty for a reason... [Oneshot, pre-KFP3.]
_A son of a/stepfather!/A son of a/I'm so sorry!
A son of a/stepfather!/A son of a/  
_ _ **I'M SO SORRY**_

* * *

It had been one year, four months, two weeks, three days, and about sixteen hours since Tai Lung died. He found it easy to keep track of the time.

After all, he had spent twenty years of his life locked in a hellish contraption which kept him entirely immobile except for his tail. He had become quite adept at keeping track of time. He was offered little else in the way of hobbies. There was time-keeping, planning his escape from prison, and indulging in brutal fantasies about how once he inevitably reclaimed his stolen birthright he would seize a mighty and terrible vengeance on those who had wronged him and eventually live the life of a dreaded king as he rose to become the most powerful and incredible kung fu master in all of China.

The last one was the most fun. But time-keeping had been passable too.

Of course, life isn't always what you think it would be; the slightest lapse of attention was an opportunity for the tables to turn. Hence the aforementioned dying thing.

 _That_ had been unpleasant.

After that, Tai Lung aptly fit the description of "restless spirit". At first he had tried exploring the Spirit Realm, mostly in an attempt to find an exit. The finest prison in the mortal world couldn't hold him, so surely trying to escape the afterlife wasn't that _much_ more of a step up. But the Spirit Realm was vast, limitless - it stretched in all directions, infinite and almost entirely featureless. He had eventually abandoned that plan.

He decided that the next best thing was to seek out opponents to distract him. After all, his studies had told him that the Spirit Realm was the final destination for the greatest kung fu masters in history - their eventual resting place once their concern with earthly matters was passed. But even there, he was confounded. Tai Lung found the Spirit Realm to be as empty as it was large - oddly so. The silence was unnerving, with sprawling vistas of heavenly scenery left abandoned.

He had begun to suspect it was probably some kind of ironic hell; a huge and empty world for him to wander through forever, his psyche slowly tearing apart at the edges from the crushing isolation. Tai Lung didn't especially care. It irritated him more than anything.

He evidence that his theory was incorrect appeared to him quite violently.

He had been meditating. He had never particularly cared for it in life, but he had little else to do now. He had found himself a spot atop a long chain of rocky islands, floating serenely in the empty air. In life, climbing such a formation would have been child's play. In death, it was even more mundane.

Tai Lung's ear flicked abruptly as he heard something - the almost inaudible sound of a blade cutting through the air.

Someone was attacking him.

Tai Lung fell into his counter naturally, almost by instinct. He flipped diagonally – he had to turn horizontally but also moving vertically made him a harder target – and his eyes met the weapon, a jade sword with a long chain at the hilt speeding toward him. Still mid-air, Tai Lung jabbed at the sword with his palm, stopping its momentum. One kick at the hilt to change its direction. One kick at the hilt to send it back. Land. Into defensive stance: right foot before left, hands at the ready, shoulders squared. He growled to himself.

The sword flew cleanly back along its original path. It clanged suddenly and violently against another sword; its twin. Tai Lung narrowed his eyes, getting a view of his attacker.

It was a large, dark yak, powerfully built. He was calmly standing on the island across from him. He had his two swords attached to his waist by long chains. His eyes were green. Too green.

Tai Lung noticed something and glanced down to his hand. His technique worked better on spears than blades, so he had been forced to let the sword's sharpened point strike his palm. There was a small wound, but to his surprise, it wasn't bleeding. A pinprick of golden light was shining from within his body, escaping from within him through his injury.

"Fascinating, isn't it?" Tai Lung looked up to see his opponent was speaking casually. His voice was strong and oddly jovial. "I was pretty surprised the first time I saw it, too. I suppose it only makes sense – everybody here is long past blood, right?" He chuckled darkly. "Or they _were_ , at least."

Tai Lung didn't reply. He watched the interloper cautiously. Whoever he was, he was strong, well-trained, and for some reason wanted to murder him.

Tai Lung tried not to make his excitement too visible.

The yak looked him up and down. "You're a little young to be in the Spirit Realm. Looks like you didn't even make it past regular-person life expectancy. Who are you, kid?"

Tai Lung indulged himself in a dramatic pose, his mighty frame impressively cast against the golden-hued light of the Spirit Realm. "I... am the Dragon Warrior!"

The yak tilted his head sceptically. "... Uh huh."

Tai Lung's eye twitched in irritation. "I am!"

"You think I'm a fool?" said his opponent. "I admit I haven't been following events in the mortal realm that closely, but I'm reasonably confident you are not the Dragon Warrior."

Tai Lung snarled. "Why?!"

"Because the Dragon Warrior wouldn't be _dead_ , genius."

Tai Lung blinked. Then he growled, fury taking hold of him. "And just who are you?" he demanded, resuming a combat stance.

The yak watched Tai Lung with a menacing glint in his unnaturally green eyes. "I... am Kai."

Tai Lung's stance didn't relax, but he raised an eyebrow. "Am I... supposed to know you?"

Kai sighed loudly, his shoulders tensing up. "Well," he announced in strained tone. "Time to kill you."

Both swords flew from Kai's hands at dizzying speeds. Tai Lung was ready, keeping both at bay with a steady stream of punches and kicks. They came at him from two angles at once, but such a challenge was nothing to him.

Tai Lung kicked one sword into the ground hard enough for it get stuck into the rock. He then slid his arms past the other sword, gripping the chain with both hands. He pulled hard, yanking Kai closer to him.

Instead of resisting, Kai jumped into the motion, ready with a kick. Tai Lung changed course and slid along the rock under him, Kai's foot passing mere inches over his head. Kai tugged on the stopped sword, using it as a brake, and turned around so fast his skidding hooves kicked up sparks against the stony ground.

Tai Lung jumped towards him, ready with his preferred offensive combo: right punch left punch right kick left kick roundhouse. It did not go well. Kai casually tilted his head out of the way of Tai Lung's fists and took no action whatsoever against the kicks. Tai Lung's feet bounced ineffectually off his stomach.

Tai Lung's eyes twitched. "Oh."

Kai grinned. "'Oh' indeed."

The swords sprang back to life, snaking at Tai Lung. He retreated; _for the moment_ , he told himself. He backed up in a series of short jumps, keeping his eyes on Kai and his fists protecting his torso.

"It's useless, dragon boy," called Kai. "I defeated every other master in this entire damn realm. You're just delaying the inevitable."

"Try me!" roared Tai Lung in defiance.

Kai chuckled. "You asked for it."

He swung his swords in circles for a moment, then brought them both down from above, vertical and parallel. Tai Lung easily twisted his body to side, letting the swords pass right by him.

Kai growled and retracted the swords, skidding them along the ground. Then he repeated the attack, but horizontally, one sword coming from the left and other from the right. Tai Lung flipped, squeezing his broad body into the space between the swords.

Kai pulled on both chains, but only one blade returned to him. He looked to the other chain – still taut. His eyes flicked back to Tai Lung, who had his tail tightly wrapped around the chain at the sword's hilt. He had grabbed it as it went past.

Tai Lung took the chain in one hand. "Oh, is this yours?" he asked in mock concern.

Kai gave him a withering glare. "That's not funny."

"No," admitted Tai Lung. "This might be, though."

He threw the chain into his teeth and turned around, setting off to the lip of the island in a loping four legged run. He reached the edge and kept going, moving along the bottom of the island, making a run for the centre. There was a slight alcove there. He felt himself begin to slip, but he made a final leap, throwing himself toward it. He slammed his foot into the hole and dug his toes into it. He had a grip.

As he did this, the chain had gone taut around the island's lip. Sure enough, a second later, Kai was pulled into view, flung by the tension. Tai Lung gripped the chain in both hands as the yak flew past him.

" _ **ROAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!**_ " Tai Lung said.

" _ **OOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!**_ " Kai retorted.

Tai Lung watched with satisfaction as Kai plummeted towards an island below and slammed into it at high speed. The island exploded into stony fragments, completely shattered. Tai Lung dismissively let the chain go, watching it as it fell. He smirked. That _was_ funny.

He hung there for a minute, eyes narrowed to make out his opponent through the debris. His smile died when the dust cleared. There was an island directly under the one he'd destroyed; and standing on that island, unharmed and clearly unamused, was Kai.

Kai huffed a breath out of his nose. "If that's what you want..."

He shot both of his swords upwards, but neither was aimed anywhere near Tai Lung. They both embedded themselves into the rock. Tai Lung looked to both, mildly confused.

Kai pulled on the chains suddenly, and the entire island jerked. Tai Lung felt the stone slam into his back and he lost his grip. He flailed in mid-air for a second before recovering. With a snarl, he aimed himself at Kai, both fists held out.

The chains whipped around him, trying to constrict him, but Tai Lung irritably kicked them out of his way. Kai realized later than he should have that wasn't able to stop the leopard, so he hopped back quickly. Tai Lung explosively slammed into the ground, sending chunks of stone in all directions. Kai rode the shockwave and let himself fall from the island.

Tai Lung whipped his head up, catching sight of Kai as he disappeared under the lip of the rock. He snarled and ran forward on all fours, not even bothering to shake the feeling back into his hands.

Tai Lung reached the edge of the island and kicked off, tackling Kai in the torso. The two grappled and twisted for a few moments, falling at speed, before Kai broke the lock with a swift knee to Tai Lung's stomach. He kicked him away, watching as Tai Lung landed on an island hard enough to leave a dent. Then he shot a sword forward, embedded it in the island's underside. He swung around and landed neatly on a small platform on the other side. When he turned around, he was met with the sight of Tai Lung, who was already barrelling towards him again.

Kai resumed a battle stance with an irritated snort. "You just don't stop, do you, kid?" He smirked as Tai Lung leaped from his island to Kai's. "I suppose it's only fitting. You're the last obstacle between me and Oogway!"

Tai Lung stopped short, eyes wide. "O-Oogway?!"

Kai growled. "Yes! Oogway! _The_ Oogway! Master Oogway of the Jade Palace, greatest ever practitioner of kung fu, 'I remember him fondly to this day', 'how dare you oppose him', ' **who even are you again?** '!" He snorted furiously. "It'd be nice if I could have _one fight_ in five hundred years where somebody didn't-"

Tai Lung cut across him. "I know Oogway!"

" **EVERYBODY KNOWS OOGWAY!** " roared Kai, hurling one of his swords at Tai Lung.

The throw was powerful but undisciplined. Tai Lung moved his head slightly to the side to let it pass and then grabbed the chain without breaking eye contact. "No, I mean, I don't just know _of_ Oogway, I learned from him. I was a student of the Jade Palace."

"Good for you," snarled Kai. "What of it? Are your efforts to defeat me now redoubled due to your righteous indignation, or whatever?"

"No," said Tai Lung flatly. He released the chain and let the sword drop to the ground. "I hate him too."

Kai stared, taken aback. "... Oh."

"The old fool denied me my destiny! Denied me my _birthright_! He denied me my very reason _**to exist**_!" Tai Lung was back in familiar territory. "He ruined my life, and I have suffered **endlessly** for his decisions." Tai Lung broke out into a dark grin. "You and I are much alike. We shouldn't be fighting! We should be **allies!** "

Kai raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"I'll gladly join your mission," said Tai Lung. "I'll even follow your orders – or try to, at least. I'm not exactly used to having a master. Together we will _**destroy**_ Oogway, and also Shifu if possible!"

Kai looked thoughtful. "That's a... very interesting proposal," he said pensively. "I suppose... it has been a tad lonesome these past few centuries... speaking to no-one but opponents... shouldering endless conflict by myself..." He met Tai Lung's gaze. "However, I do have a counter suggestion."

"What's that?" asked Tai Lung, smiling innocently. A second later the sword at his feet whipped up and struck him in the face.

Tai Lung roared and reached for his cheek – he had been cut – and before he could compose himself the other sword slammed its hilt into his chest and knocked him away.

"I work alone, kid!" called Kai after him. "Endless conflict by myself is **just fine by me!** "

Tai Lung regained his composure and twisted himself around to see where he was going. He was closing in on an island fast. He naturally assumed a disciplined position and brought his leg out in front of him. He slammed into the rock foot-first – too fast not to be painful, but a type of impact he was used to. The rock splintered and a network of cracks exploded outwards from the point of contact, but the island held together. Tai Lung let gravity take him, then shifted around so that he fell face first toward a flat island beneath him. He landed on all fours, took a breath, and rose to his feet.

Kai jumped down to Tai Lung's level and landed some distance from him, his hooves cracking the ground. Tai Lung glared at him, and Kai responded with a slight smirk. He began to swing his swords again.

"Enough!" yelled Tai Lung. "I'll end this once and for all!"

He dodged neatly under one of Kai's swords and ran forward, moving left, leaping to a floating wall and then pushing himself off it. He flew foot first toward Kai, who blocked him easily with his sword. But it was Tai Lung's plan, and he flipped, using his tail to pull the sword sharply upwards. Kai went to strike him with the second sword and Tai Lung brought his foot down, catching the blade on the flat end. He landed, catching the first sword and holding it aloft while keeping the other underfoot.

With furious speed, Kai released both of his chains and struck at Tai Lung with a barrage of punches, but Tai Lung slipped backwards out of his reach. He intentionally relinquished the swords, letting the first fall from his hand and moving off the second.

There was a moment's window as Kai hesitated between pressing forward and reclaiming his weapons, and Tai Lung seized it. A lesser, stupider, significantly less attractive fighter might have ruined the opportunity by blurbling some moronic one liner or nonsense phrase, but Tai Lung was infinitely greater and more focused than anyone like that, no matter what Shifu apparently thought, which was of no consequence anyway since the senile old fool had clearly wait he's going for the swords _go man dammit_ _ **go**_

Tai Lung sprung forward and jabbed two fingers into Kai's torso. Kai's breath caught in his throat. He made a terrible choking noise as his body seized up.

One strike should have been enough, but Tai Lung was long past taking this opponent for granted. He used his chi blocking technique again and again, striking every pressure point he knew of.

Kai's body locked up unnaturally, his limbs contorting and shortening, his face frozen in an undignified expression of surprise. Finally Tai Lung was satisfied, and let the yak drop to the floor.

Tai Lung watched him for a few moments, his breathing heavy. The rush of combat slowly began to leave him, the instinctive fury inside his head fading somewhat. As it evaporated, fatigue swept in like a tide. He was tired and injured. He was actually bleeding – or he would be, if he still had any blood. The only time he had felt remotely as bad was the moments leading up to his death.

It had been a good fight.

Tai Lung wasn't sure what to do with Kai – it wasn't like he had killed him. Could he even die? The two of them were already pretty dead.

Either way, he wouldn't be able to regain use of his limbs unless someone helped him – and if the only people left in the Spirit Realm were Tai Lung himself and Oogway, that seemed unlikely to say the least.

Reflecting on that, Tai Lung felt comfortable enough to turn his back on Kai. He took a few steps, but stopped. He didn't have anywhere in particular to go. Should he seek out Oogway? ...Where _was_ Oogway?

His knees gave out suddenly. Tai Lung let himself fall forward, one hand catching himself against the dirt while the other went instinctively to the wound on his face. He ended up in a position that looked vaguely like an awkward bow.

" _I suppose... I saved Oogway_ ," he thought. His eyes narrowed. " _I... don't know how I feel about that_."

Tai Lung grappled with his conflicting emotions. On one hand, the thought of exerting himself – _injuring_ himself! – to aid the man who ruined his life thoroughly filled him with disgust. But at the same time, he couldn't deny a certain inkling buried somewhere within him – an unfamiliar but not unpleasant feeling. He tried to search his heart to locate it, but found it hard to do so when his back suddenly demanded he pay attention to the sword lodged in it.

Tai Lung roared in agony. As the sword jerked itself out of his back, the other slammed into the side of his head, disorientating him. Then both rose up and raked down his back, drawing two parallel lines of excruciating golden pain along his body.

Tai Lung pitched forward, his breath coming in ragged huffs. His fingers dug into the rock. He tried to flip around into a kick, but the motion immediately brought his attention to his screaming wounds. More than that, when he turned around the two swords were ready to meet him. They cut into his shoulders, moving fast enough to cancel his momentum and push him backwards. Tai Lung yelled in pain and fell heavily on his back, gold light pouring out of him in multiple places.

"Oh _no_ , dragon boy! I think you might have defeated me!" called out Kai in a mocking tone. He was upright and approaching Tai Lung calmly, his two chains in hand. "Key word... 'might'. _Iiiiffff_ you had died three, four hundred years ago. As it stands, though? Not looking too likely." He yanked on the chains, pulling the swords roughly out of Tai Lung's flesh and leaving two more shining wounds.

Tai Lung hissed out a breath. He stared at Kai in horror. "But... how did...?"

Kai chuckled as he clicked his swords into place on his belt. "It's an impressive technique, kid, I'll give you that. But trying to block _my_ chi is like trying to dam a rushing river with a single tree. If it's a big tree, sure, you might buy yourself some time." His unearthly green eyes narrowed as he smiled viciously. "But _nothing_ will save you from drowning."

Kai was above him now. He looked the bruised and broken leopard up and down. "You know, you _were_ right," he noted. "You and I are much alike."

Tai Lung met his gaze. His mind was screaming at him to flee but his body refused to co-operate. "I'm sensing... a 'but'..."

Kai grinned. " _But_... there is a difference between things being 'alike' and being comparable in scale." He placed a hoof on one of Tai Lung's wounds, causing him to wheeze. "A gecko and a dragon are 'alike'. It does not mean the gecko is anything more than an insignificant speck of dust in the dragon's eyes."

Tai Lung's struggled to maintain composure. "I... could still-"

"Help me?" Kai pulled his hoof back and stood firmly. "That was always my plan."

Tai Lung's eyes widened in surprise. "It was...?" There was a twinge of hope in his voice.

"Oh, absolutely. For all your... quirks, you have a frankly phenomenal level of chi. You should be proud."

"Th-...thank you...?"

Kai laughed merrily. "Oh, no," he said. "Thank _you_."

Kai made a sudden motion with his hands, whirling his arms in a tight circle over Tai Lung's body. Tai Lung felt a sharp pain, followed by the onset of a terrible sensation crawling along his body, his flesh stiffening and ossifying into jade. He managed a final defiant snarl before the wave covered his face, freezing his fury in inescapable green.

Tai Lung's body was reduced to a small jade amulet, bearing an image of his face and adorned with the pattern of his spotted fur. It floated into the air and Kai took hold of it, satisfied.

"Another notch on the belt," he murmured, tossing the amulet up and down lightly. He took a moment to examine it, peering at the snarling jade face emblazoned on its surface.

"Good try, dragon boy. That was fun." Kai clicked the amulet onto the chain around his waist, alongside the others he had collected. He rolled his shoulders a few times and stretched his neck, working out a minor crick that had formed in his spine.

"Now then... time to track down my old _pal_."


End file.
